Venting Thread (Don't break the rules tho, keep it civil and shit this isn't a place to be all like "hey this guy on the forums really pisses me off" it should be about other shit)
That’s not very motivating
What matters the most for me is not utility tho, it’s more the feeling of being treated like hopeless trash
Too much shit has happened today
I won’t burden anyone if it but…
Sounds like you had what I had on Monday
Which wasn’t pleasant at all
First time I slept through the entire rest of my day upon finishing work (but not after having a 10 minute cry alone in my car after driving home)
Reached a point where is clear my help or advice isn’t needed anywhere anymore
I guess it’s time to find another self-fulfilling task to do
All my study is just to fill the existencial void in my soul
I am not sure if it fits me, see studying as a purpose barely makes me want to do it
It wasn’t really a recommendation since it is some workaholism
I know, you usually don’t advice and that’s fine
because I never follow advice I just pointed out
Okay I get this is like a venting chat and all… but I’m going to use it to confess to some shit I regret about doing back when I was 3.
When I was 3, I was sleeping when my cat called “Toby” woke me up by meowing. My idiotic mind wanted it to shut up and in a sad and regretful I put it into my washing machine. No this is not a joke and please don’t laugh at it, it ended up suffocating to death in there as it had no air, we woke up the next morning with it’s paws over it’s face, the image of him still haunts me. We ended up getting rid of my other cat because of it and years later got two hamsters, one ended up killing the other by eating it. Then I got my lovely dog called Skye.
Venting over, I cried while writing this it still makes me sad for what I did when I was 3, I wasn’t thinking properly back then. I hope none of you look at me differently but hell, I’ve been on here for a long enough time to trust that you wont judge me differently for this that’s why I decided to post this. Get rid of the guilt I guess.
I know this isn’t normal me where I’m joking around and swearing a lot, but that’s because I am sorry for what I did.
You had no idea that that’s what would happen to Toby, so you have nothing to be sorry for. If you feel guilty, then feel guilty no more.
Yes but I ended a cat’s life for no reason just because I wanted to sleep.
I’ve felt guilt all my life about it.
That sucks, but I do agree that as you clearly didn’t mean to do harm I wouldn’t let it get to you for the rest of your life. How you find peace with it is really up to you, though - none of us can really help besides saying that we agree it doesn’t make you a bad person. After all, there are tons of people who have done much worse than that to animals and to other people on purpose. That ain’t you.
I’m not sure how to approach this, as it has been nagging and tearing away at me for a while now. Maybe since ever, I’m not sure at this point.
I can’t hide behind outbursts of emotion which turn people away, making me out to be a fool. I can’t disassociate myself from the person I am. I can’t breathe, gazing hollow into an abyss.
Who am I?
Why can’t I tell even myself the truth?
Why do I feel the way I do?
It’s because I am a failure. Completely and utterly disgusting. Something to be abhorred, looked down upon.
WHY DAMMIT. WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE ME?!
I DON’T DESERVE ANYTHING THIS WORLD HAS PROVIDED.
I don’t get what you mean but I disagree on principle
My will to do. My will to accomplish.
It’s been stuck in the muck for all of my life. And I keep hoping it will rise up, and change for the better
But as it is I’m just hiding away from responsibilities, from others, and from myself