Usual Business [King of the Restroom Fanfiction]

It all started when the drunk Second Prince went to a new bar with his drunk drinking buddy.

For the last few days, trouble was the last thing the king of Adiart wanted to hear from anyone. A king, naturally, had the responsibility to take his nation’s problem as his own, but something was different this time; he already had a problem of his own.

The king sighed as he massaged his wrinkled temple. It was not the first time the Second Prince brought over a friend, but his friend this time was an alchemist. If there was something worse than a traitorous alchemist, it was a drunk one. As a proof, the first rank of Adiart’s Most Bizzare Potion Annual Ranking was never won by a potion created with a clear state of mind.

“Long live the king…” a man called uncertainly. The call only made the king felt his head throbbing once more.

He dismissed the man with a wave. “No need for formality. Go on about your own business.” Dignity was the only thing he had left. His reputation was long dragged through the mud.

The potion this drunk alchemist made was called Identical Quartet of Magic Gigantifying Potion. Its effect was quite impressive; any object enhanced by this potion would retain four times of its original size and required four people to use it, as well as having sixteen times the original power. Now, it was a decent potion so far, but the restriction it had?

  1. Once a person touches the object he cannot move until the object is used.
  2. The object can only be used by four people of identical birthday and birthdate.

…there was a reason potion that entered Adiart’s Most Bizzare Potion Annual Ranking was rarely popular; their limitations and usage were too exotic.

Another man passed by. This man, however, was a high ranking noble. He had to think of the implication of his actions for his reputation. Apart from his initial shock, he showed no reaction toward the king’s presence. The king didn’t make it difficult for him either. After the noble finished his business, he left the room as if nothing was wrong.

Although it was a new bar, it was a public secret in nobility circle that the bar was established by the Second Prince. The reason? To give him room for unsolicited drinking.

Once the king caught wind of this secret, he was enraged. Excessive drinking was one matter, but the debt the Second Prince built up was enough to give even the royal treasurer a headache. Debts on local bar owners were one matter, but if the debts were stacked on wine suppliers, it could disturb the merchants’ trust in the kingdom.

The plan was supposed to be simple: to grab the prince and close his bar. What was unexpected: a drunk alchemist with a plethora of drunk potions.

When the royal guards went in, the alchemist threw a Stink Potion over. Unable to bear the smell, the King with his general retreated to the bar’s other building, which turned out to be a restroom. Now, everything would have been fine if not for the chainsaw enhanced by Quartet of Magic Gigantifying Potion that hanged from the ceiling for some reason.

The king touched it in a reflex. And that was the start of it.

The royal guards were off to find people of identical age and birthdate as the king. Of course, they sealed off the whole bar and restroom. It was, after all, a scandal.

Again, the king could only stare bitterly when the alchemist threw an Invisibility Potion and Sleeping Potion at his royal guards in his stupor. The Second Prince declared business as usual. Which was how he got stuck there, in the middle of a restroom, leaning on a gigantic chainsaw.

Shouting at the unfilial son was of no use. The Second Prince was still drinking, despite the day turning. Him still drinking also meant he was still drunk. There was no reason in reasoning with a drunk.

“Y-your majesty!”

The king sighed.

“No need for formality. Go on about your own business.”

He really, really didn’t want to be there.


Yes Usual Business is a toilet joke

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