Long before the Terran Coalition decided to get rid of all the insane and incoherent prisoners from the planet, in the middle of WWII, a simmilar situation occured with the British government, although in this case the idiots that the government were sending to their doom weren’t explicitly arrested; they were just assigned to a mission that was doomed to fail; they were sending a giant airship over the Atlantic Ocean in stormy weather to bring a useless file to America. They were just as insane, of course, and they were still morons who probably haven’t even noticed that I used two semi-colons in the previous sentence.
As it happens, the government were slightly more successful than they thought they were in getting rid of them. It turns out that the generators for the residential section of the airship only had enough energy to run the heating and lighting for 300 hours, which would normally not be an issue if not for two saboteurs slowing down the main engines by putting a wrench in it and then padlocking that wrench to a rail. The fact that they didn’t just smash the engine to bits with the wrench probably indicates that the Germans sent their two most useless spies on this mission.
Not only that, but somebody thought it’d be a good idea to use the Jolly Good Jetpack™, created by the famous British scientist/fuckwit Reginald Nervingbang, and tried to gather all of the keys to use it and fly… somewhere. Or maybe they just have a virulent hatred of their own country and would like to see all their colleagues dead. Who knows.
Either way, they’re all buggered. Welcome to Airship Zeppriphon
- Obey His Majesty’s laws, there’s a good chap.
- Don’t gamethrow or otherwise deliberately attempt to harm your own faction’s chances of victory.
- Be sure to post at least 5 posts every 24 hours, or you stand a risk of being subbed out or the even worse prospect of being suspected for simply sitting in an armchair smoking a pipe for 24 hours straight.
- Don’t quote mod messages in the thread, and don’t talk about any communcations you’ve had via telegram to the moderators of this mission, for risk of spilling official government secrets.
- Don’t post during night if the thread happens to be unlocked, however expect punctual thread locks in most scenarios.
- Do not use your telegram or any other method of communication to spill government secrets. Even if the message is internally sent, there is a very high chance that a German doing a very bad cockney accent will be at the other end and will steal all of the amazing government secrets.
- Keep a stiff upper lip, there’s a jolly good chap.
- The (admittedly limited) capabiltiies of all members of the airship are public knowledge, as noted on the bulletin board in the common room. We don’t know how that got there, and now the spies know everything about your plans. Still, I’m sure it won’t be too bad.
- However, ANY one of these “cracking” “abilities” could be given to any allignment at random. This means that the Colonel could be a German Spy, or the Technician could be a British Deserter, and we wouldn’t know!
- Unfortunately, the engines that power the internal circuits have only 300 hours of power left. We can conserve this power by switching it off for 24 hours without the ship’s quaters getting to an offensively low temperature, however the lights will be off. We reccomend you stay in your room during this time, to minimise murder. We will call this time Night, even though the weather is so terrible that it could be daytime and you wouldn’t notice.
- Only the Engineer understands the incredibly subtle cipher the Germans use to hide their information, so only they will learn the allignments of any dead bois. Unfortunately, nobody except the Spies speak German, so you won’t be able to actually understand their plans, but at least they can figure out if they were German. Mind you, the Engineer could be a spy!
Millitary Service Files
Other members of High Command are mystified at how this man became a General. Surely, even being Winston Churchill’s nephew’s second cousin shouldn’t counterbalance believing that the Germans are gaurenteed to lose because they are, and I quote “liberals”. Of course, nepotism knows no bounds.
As the highest ranking officer, and as a pompous middle-class general, the General’s vote counts twice when it comes to suggesting stupid ideas, such as throwing random people off the ship in case they are a German Spy.
This Captain, while being mostly efficient, is on this ship because of his disturbing habit of hanging around with arrogant Belgians with ridiculous moustaches to solve murders instead of actually fighting on the front lines. It’s not like he’s even that good at doing anything but occasionally locking people in their rooms.
The Captain knows where the room keys are, and isn’t telling anybody. Each night, they may lock a player in their room, preventing anybody from going in there and killing them. This excellent method of protecting the innnocent comes at the slight cost that it prevents that player from leaving their room, stopping them from using their night actions.
The Technician was a close colleague of Reginald Nervingbang, before it was revealed that the unbelievably powerful weapon he was working on was in fact some kind of weird TV screen with the words “Reddit” on the screen. We sealed this invention in cryogenic storage, fearing that it was a bomb, and placed the Technician on this ship in case he finished his next invention, which he calls “Tumblr”.
Each night, the Technician may use his grammaphone to record the accent of another player, then compare it to the previous accent, learning if they are the same allignment or not. For some reason, he can’t even recognise a slight tinge of a German accent that a spy would have, which proves that he’s dangerously stupid.
The Colonel isn’t really that funny of a concept. He’s just a loose cannon. When we sent him on this mission instead of to the front lines, he said that he wanted 24 hours to solve a case, which clearly proved that the man was a small bit crazy, considering that this is the Army. We felt a bit bad for the chap, so we told him he could keep two personal possessions on this mission. The personal possessions he chose were his family’s ceremonial rifle and the ceremonial silver bullet.
Once per game, at night, the Colonel may ceremonially shoot a player, cermonially killing them.
To be frank, we got rid of this man because he suggested placing armour everywhere but the engines since none of the planes we got back from the Battle of Britain had bulletholes in the engine. Still, he understands German ciphers (if not German) due to his admiration of SUPERIOR GERMAN ENGINEERING, so I’m sure he’ll be fine.
The Engineer learns whether or not each dead player was German or not.
This officer was a private, but we ““promoted”” him to Colonel so he could go on this mission. He seems to be under the impression that he can “hypnotise” other people using really shit magic tricks. We’ve stopped him from marching idiots to their death by replacing their grenades with avocados by putting him with a bunch of idiots who are going to die anyway.
Each night, the Hypnotist may “use his magic” to switch the signs on the rooms of two other officers, switching which person each one targets. After the second time he does this, everybody will catch on to the obvious trick, and this ability will no longer work.
Apparently, this man believes that his job is “boring”, and has been seen writing what he calls a “will”, which he flashes in the face of anybody who asks who he is, which documents the exact movements of several random people. He was placed on the airship after he claimed that Private Willikins was in fact a “Consort”, proving that he has no skills in watching whatsoever as he completely missed the cannibal who ate Willikins’ corpse that night.
Each night, the Lookout may hide in somebody’s room, and learn who visted them at night, noting down meaningless numbers to record his results.
The Radio Operative is a misnomer, as it happens. It is more accurate to say that he blasted at top volume in the briefing room for this mission a song that he calls “The Sound Of Silence”, which has paritally deafened all other members of the mission. He appears to be somehow unaffected by his habit of playing what he calls “funny dank earrape”.
The Radio Operative is not partially deafened, and thus can hear guns, doors being locked, barbed wire being dropped, signs being switched and motivational seminars through the airship’s walls. They also have surprisingly good directional hearing, and know exactly which person each of these abilities were used on, although not who by.
A giant sticker is slapped on this file, grey text on a biege background. It reads: “Sample Night Results:
The Technician targeted [x] last night.
The Facilitator targeted [y] last night.
This private is very private indeed, and has been sent on this ship due to his unbearably infuiriating habit of refusing to obey orders unless they are whispered into his ear. On the plus side, due to some other moron fucking humouring him for some reason, he has become an expert at private communications, so I suppose it can’t all be bad.
Each day, the Private may whisper “psst come out into the kitchen” into someobdy’s ear. The next night, they may freely talk with that person in a hoarse whisper, which is too quiet for anybody to hear or detect in any way. And nobody comes into the kitchen anyway, since we took away all the biscuits there for fear of the General choking on them.
This guy is actually perfectly sane, and he’s not even an idiot. We sent him here so he can figure out how the various other morons on the missions do their incredibly fucked up actions each night. We wouldn’t even send him to his death if he hadn’t confessed to writing his diary in white ink, proving that he is in fact a filthy light themer.
The Supervisor can use his expertise to figure out the tricks of a dead player at any time, and can from that point onwards use their abiltiies as if he were that player.
a giant sticker with puke-green text on a orange and brown background with flecks of blue irregularly spaced throughout it says: “This guy dosen’t have the best memory, so once he’s learnt somebody’s tricks he must act as that role for the rest of the voyage.”
At first we had no idea where he was getting all the barbed wire from. Then we found out that he was getting it from the Technician’s warehouse, which is what put us onto THAT moron. Then we found out that he had a lot of shares in a German barbed wire company who had come to him pretending to be British. A few days after that, we looked in his room to check on him and found it filled to the brim with barbed wire. With any luck, he only managed to smuggle a few coils of it on here.
Each night, the Lieutenant may drop Barbed Wire outside of somebody’s room, killing anybody who tries to enter after he’s been there. He only has two coils in his wardrobe (and no clothing whatsoever, so don’t be surprised if you see him in his underwear soon) so he can only do this twice.
A giant red sticker is slapped onto this file, with the text " It reflexively roleblocks + kills all visitors" in sans-serif font on it.
The Facilitator is a deserter. It’s in his blood. But he dosen’t think he is, as a matter of fact. Rather, he deserted from the front lines only to burst into a meeting at High Command (back in England from Africa!) and started screaming something about us “JUST DOING IT”. To be frank, if the trauma of this experience shocks whatever the fuck made him like that out of his arse he’d probably have enough determination to just walk all the way to goddamn Berlin, so him somehow surviving might be bearable for High Command.
Each night, you may go Shia Lebouf on a player’s arse, making them run away from you and perform their action before anybody else, the sheer adrenaline caused by your egregious presentation making them impossible to kill that night, followed by them coming back in order to slap you in the face. Even your lungs have a limit, however, and thus you may only do this twice per game.
Details About the Spies
British Deserter / British Traitor (50/50)
It looks like your intentions should be encoded in your diaries in a mysterious language called “English”. With any luck, you should know exactly what you need to do. Unless you don’t, in which case you are royally fucked up in the head or you just don’t read your rolecards. Or both.
You are a British Soldier, and you win if you kill all Spies and the Traitor.
You are a British Deserter, and you want to use the Jolly Good Jetpack™ to escape. To do this, you’re going to need access keys from 3 different players, which you can steal secretly by convincing them to visit you at night. Once you escape, you will have to plug in the Jetpack™, which will consume 50 hours worth of heating to power the Jetpack™. Note: The Jetpack™ was not designed for this, and it wasn’t even that well-made to begin with. You are probably fucked, but at least you’ll be satisfied with your life when a lightning strike kills you instantly mid-way.
You are a British Traitor. You have no idea what the fuck is going on, but you really hate British people, probably because of the whole “you can’t define britishness, but i’m so glad that i’m british” shtick. You win when all other British players are dead.
You are a German Saboteur, and your partner in crime is [player]. Your goal is to kill all British players except any traitors. You did an “epic sabotage” on the engine last night, and thus will be too busy gloating on N1 to kill that night. Afterwards, each night you may kill a player, however the night afterwards you will start gloating again and be unable to kill that night. You may both do a murder and perform your regular action each night.
You are a German Spy, and your partner in crime is [player]. Your goal is to kill all British players except any traitors. Each night, you may kill a player, however you may not kill the following night due to being incredibly cautious about the whole murdering thing. You may both do a murder and perform your regular action each night.
- EndOfTheWorld - Hypnotist
- Hippolytus - Private
- Alice - Lookout
- Kai_5 - Facilitator
- Launchpad - Engineer
- MathBlade - Lieutenant
- MaximusPrime - Supervisor
- Shurian - Radio Operative
- Magnus - Technician
- Sulit - Captain
- BlueStorm - General
- Frostwolf102 - Colonel
note: this game is like Starship Enphirion except only slightly less rude and 100% more british. There may be out-of-date jokes about WWII Germany, although Icibalus Industries naturally dosen’t support the attitudes demonstrated in either country back then. You have been warned.