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[Lore Suggestion] The Chronomancer


#1

The Night settled on the skies of Adiart, everything was silent. The castle sat alone, surrounded by darkness around it. But inside of the castle there was a dim light, a light that would soon fade. Inside the castle deception thrived, for in this time the Blue Dragon were vanquished and the Unseen were known as the Kings.

At one time the Blue Dragon ruled the castle, with their powerful king demolishing corruption that lay in his wake. Everyone was happy under the king’s rule, for Court Wizards were not prosecuted for Sorcery, Nobles manipulating the ballots and sending spies like they should, and the Knights were protecting the innocent. Everything was well, until two shady men began to start the chaos. First they started by converting the king’s daughter into a horrid duchess, flirting with people in order to gain their secrets. The King had no idea that any of this was happening right under his noise, so no one batted an eye. No one but the Sheriff, who was concerned for he felt the presence of the dastardly unseen. He began searching for the Unseen, and after a night he found the traitorous princess, he revealed it to the kingdom. The King was in shock, how could his daughter betray her father. He thought the sheriff was lieing, so he had him executed. It turned out the sheriff wasn’t lieing, but it was too late. The King had been poisoned. The Physician was going to heal the King but ended up being stuck with a party with the Butler, the Unseen assassinated the Physician this night. It all went down hill from then

In the end the Unseen ruled the castle, almost everyone bowed down to them, except for one. This one girl was refusing to give in to the Unseen! She would not bow down to their tyranny, she was an inventor who had dreams to one day be part of the Blue Dragon as a blacksmith. That was all ruined by the Unseen conquering. If only she could travel back in time and stop the Unseen, then she thought, what if she could so precisely that. She began working on a time traveling device to transport her back to the time before the Unseen conquered the castle.

She went through out town looking for the materials to travel back in time. She knew exactly where she could find something as a spear, in order to pierce the sage’s magical orb. She needed to enter the illusionist’s chamber in order to grab their illusion spear. She slowly entered the castle, and looked for the Illusionist’s room. She searched and eventually found the black curtains that lead toward their chamber. She slowly brushed past the curtains and there, in the middle of the room she saw the Illusionist levitating off the ground, with multiple copies of herself surrounding her. She swiftly grabbed the spear and got out of there.

She went throughtout the castle, in search for the orb. She knew exactly where she could find it, in the Sage’s tower. It was dark, lights were barely on, and she could barely see. The door was of dark spruce wood, with lines going down the vertical sides of the door. Toward the right-center of the door was a knob. The Girl opened the door and snuck through to the top of the tower. As she was going up the spiral stair case, one of the steps creaked. The Sage asked, “Who is there?”. The Girl had nothing that she could say, so she just kept quiet. The Sage thought this was nothing, so he continued to do his research. The Girl slowly approached the Sage’s research table, and stole a magical device that was there, she accidentally pushed over glass. Crash, it hit the ground, the Sage cast a Firewall in reaction toward the Girl.

The Girl was trapped, stuck between the walls of flame that engulfed her. The Sage asked, "Who are you and why are you here!"The Girl didn’t respond. The Sage saw a Blue Dragon symbol on the Girl. He chuckled, as he thought of the Blue Dragon as a joke. The Sage called for the Mastermind. The Girl knew that she had little time to act, so she began to stab the spear into the orb. The Sage stopped her for a second, by casting a tornado toward the orb, the Girl’s spear was redirected in the opposite direction. Creek, Creek, The Mastermind was coming up the steps. The Illusion Spear was out of reach. The Sage heckled, for doom awaited the Girl. Just then the Girl threw the Orb Down out the spear, breaking the orb. The Girl was warped back in time, but with her so was the sage.

Whilst the they were both traveling back in time, the Sage was throwing punches at the Girl, she barely fought back, so the sage continued to hit her. As the time loop continued, the two of them merged into one person, one person skilled with the magic of time traveling. The Time Portal ended and the person came out. She had white hair and a knowledge for Time Traveling. She could warp time, and distort reality. Her name was, the Chronomancer.


#2

Please someone give me criticism and have this not be erased into the void like all of my other lore!


#3

Hmmm, needs more reference to the pretender so we can have the chronomancer being related to the pretender as TOL Canon


#4

nah fam, I won’t Pretend that, that is a thing


#5

I like this guy/gurl


#6

guy


#7

I like this guy

I have bad luck when it comes to guessing genders here


#8

you don’t know how many times people get my gender confused o-o


#9

Were you here when everyone thought Alice was a dude?


#10

no, but I was the first to change all of my lore to have boslof as a female


#11

Fair enough


#12

I’ll read this (and probably critique) when I’m not seriously sleep deprived.

Is big text block


#13

As they said


#14

Hey this thing exists, i’m open to criticism!


#15

BEHOLD, THE LONGPOST

From reading this the second time, I have to call into question the concept.

"A person coming back from a ruined future to undo a fatal mistake made by others"

At a base level, that is what this tale is about, without all the in-betweens.

It is a fine concept, but is perfectly fine if not completely explored. In that way, the cryptic warning from the time traveler leaves much to the mind, and furthers the paranoia of those listening to their tale.

In a broader sense, it’s a little more fun to focus on the ‘now’ then it is to focus on the ‘past’ (or in this case the future).

You could talk about that “warning of what’s to come” in greater specificity than their background. In that manner, there would be context to why the court assumes that there is evil afoot in Adiart.


This first paragraph depicts what happens in the next, with a much simpler explanation that gets to the point quicker.

Much to the chagrin of the Blue Dragon, insidious persons manipulated their court, turning them against each other. Their rightful rule was no more, leaving a people tyrannized by a most evil party.

(a potential way to say the final part)

As I’ve stated earlier, it is fairly unnecessary to explain the entire tale behind a time traveler, because that’s their exact purpose: to be a cryptic warning for what may happen.


For the prior reasons stated, the explanation of how they got their powers isn’t necessary. On my first readthrough, it came off as sort of forced and strange.

Slight note for that part. The sage would probably be calling for the Assassin instead of the Mastermind. Calling for the enforcer (assassin) rather than the head honcho (mm) seems more likely.


Taking all things into account, there were better ways to tell the story of the chronomancer than what was presented.

  • Focus more on the now instead of their background. That helps in order to avoid having to write that. The denizens of Adiart have no idea who this person even is.
  • Since this is a BD class, it should probably focus less on an individual faction as their evil.
  • Keep their future ambiguous, with relatively little description for it. More of a personal note (considering if you take suggestion 1 into a rewrite), but it has importance for it.

It would be more engaging imo to describe this strange person who enters Adiart, prognosticating doom for the kingdom if wretched fiends are not found. A personal dialogue with the king after describing significant information that nobody would know otherwise transitions into a court session with an eerily similar resemblance to ToL.


#16

@Braixen


#17

I agree with you, the story should not be told as a story from a narrator but instead told by something in the game world, like a notebook, or etc. Along with this I also agree that it should remain ambiguous, for it is a story about a Time Traveler. I also agree that the ending was forced


#18

OH FUCK I JUST GOT A GREAT IDEA.

How about I go through most of the lore, and just have the Chronomancer there. Like they are Time Traveling through each of the backstories.


#19

woke af.

I disagree, in most cases. In most perspectives, that makes writing for other classes slightly more difficult.

The main problem is discussing the ‘why?’. I can see the Chrono showing up in the backstory of the King, Hunter, and Sheriff/Paladin (it would even enrich their reasoning for being there) as sort of an oracle of the future. But in regards to other classes, I would disagree with their inclusion in the lore.